Working Habits

Theater Seating

2008-02-09T13:20:00.000-08:00

In general, I clock in late every single day. I make twelve cents a minute, why should I care if I'm a few minutes late? Immediately after I clock in, I head for the restroom. Even though it's only 12 cents a minute, there's still nothing better than getting paid to expel waste. There's been times where I've held it in, because damnit, I don't get paid to shit at home.

So I sit there and I get paid. During this, I've found that my store's restrooms are frequented by a bunch of goddamn geniuses. This can all be proved with a quick look at the restroom stall graffiti that I've decided to document and post here. Sorry about the picture quality. My phone can only do so much, it turns out.

"This is my house"

"I pooped in your house"

"Place Drugs Here"

"I am Hell"

"Fuck Jews"

The palette jack post is coming soon.

I can't go for that

2008-01-13T13:32:00.000-08:00

I know I said "new comic tomorrow." I'm lazy. I get it. Whatever.

I've decided that I'm tired of working the register. With my new fancy schmancy "Sales Associate" tag, I've found that I have the freedom to walk around and basically do whatever the fuck I want. You know what's still fun? Riding around on palette jacks. Seriously. It's awesome. I should do a whole post about them.

I've also found that I've about fucking had it with stupid customers. That awesome pen that I used in two previous comics is no more thanks to some stupid bitch that threw it down into the depths of the area between the buttons on the register and the part of the counter that holds it up. I'll never ever get it back because of that dumb motherfucker.

What really matters though, is that through my hours of wasting time in the garden center, I've come to really appreciate the muzak. A coworker refers to it as "what's on Sam Walton's iPod." And apparently the dead guy loves Hall and Oates. Weird. Nirvana came on the other night and I was more than a little perturbed. BB King's "The Thrill Is Gone" was the soundtrack to a night of playing in the clearance aisle. It almost made work enjoyable. Almost. Kinda. Not really.

But it seems that the whole point of the overhead music is to convince me that I need shitty $5 "Best Of" compilations. I've been tricked into buying way too many of these things. With my hours getting cut, this is the last thing I need to be doing. Oh well.

Also, I had this whole thing written up and forgot to hit "publish." Whoops.

More Robots

2008-01-07T18:21:00.000-08:00

Work sucks. I'm sure everyone knows this and agrees in their own way. It seems that no one reads this blog, or at the very least, no one that comes through my place of employment. I say this because people still think it's a good idea to come back to the garden center with a ton of groceries. I've decided to teach these people a lesson. I don't call for help when the line builds up. Don't want a line? Come to the store at like six in the morning and go to a normal checkout lane. I've also started screwing anyone with produce that brings in a ton of stuff. From now on, if your bring a bunch of shit to the garden center, I'm going to lean on the scale/scanner when I weigh your fruits and vegetables. I figure I can add a good amount of weight, making your bananas cost about five times what they should. You brought a whole cart of groceries to the garden center register? Well guess what, asshole? You just bought the most expensive tomato you've ever seen. Deal with it.

More robots today, new comic tomorrow.

"Viking Robot"

"Robot at a Urinal"

"Robot Lineup: Businessbot, Batman Bot, Swimmer-as-a-shark bot"

Back from break

2008-01-06T14:09:00.000-08:00

A few things have contributed to the fact that there's been a lack of updates lately.

1) The register I do most of my work at had an onverhead camera that didn't work. Then the register broke.

2) I had to work at one with a working camera, which means no more possibly offensive things to be drawn at the register.

3) I'm lazy.

4) The register started working again, but now the camera's fixed.

As a result of constant supervision, I went back to what I drew at my old job: Robots. I don't know why robots, as I don't care about them, but that's what came to mind as a telemarketer, and now it's what comes to mind as a Wal*Mart employee. Which reminds me, the thing at the top is no longer accurate, as my temporary employment has ended in favor of being picked up as a permanent part-time sales associate. Go me. I think. Anyway, on with the robots.

"Basketball Robot"

"Sleeping Robot"

"Disgruntled Employee Robot"

More to come later, and a comic that I've been sitting on since I'm lazy.

Your nasty flea-ridden bra is not a wallet...

2007-12-22T20:58:00.000-08:00

...So keep your money the hell out of it.

Seriously. So gross. I was sitting at the register tonight, pen and paper out, with absolutely no ideas whatsoever. Then some ragged toothless ho bag comes up, struggles with her arm, elbow deep into her shirt, and pulls out $60 in twenties and hands them to me. I picked them from her hand with two fingers and instantly shoved them at the bottom of the drawer so I wouldn't have to encounter them for the rest of the night. I then drowned my hands in hand sanitzer.

The second her hand went in, it was like two sticks being rubbed together to create the first fire in the prehistoric cave that is the area above my head. Inspiration struck in ways that have never been done before. I was concerned that by day three I was already out of ideas, and this comes along. I couldn't have asked for a better and yet more realistically horrifying experience at the register tonight.

Intro - Express Lane

2007-12-21T20:43:00.000-08:00

So first off, an intro: This is my blog (obviously) that I currently plan on filling with the junk that comes to mind while I work at Wal-Mart. I spent on average probably 28.5 hours a week there, working temporarily until they decide they don't need me anymore. Being a punk (or something like that...) I never had any interest in supporting Wal-Mart, much less working there. But my parents bought me half a car for my birthday, effectively giving me $7500 of debt for a gift. I applied all over the place and Wal-Mart was the only place that called back. So ethics went out the window in favor of the ability to go on dates without needing a bike or comfortable shoes. So there.

So the content of this will consist of stupid things that I come with only while being paid. All of this will be come up with while I'm on the clock. If I have a panel left with two minutes left of work, it either comes out in two minutes or it waits until the next day. If I lose something between work and home, then it gets remade the next day at work, and only while I'm actually being paid. So that's that. On with the show.

This was actually the first thing I made for this blog, but since I lost it, I had to redraw it last night. I actually don't work at an express lane, but I work in the Garden Center at a register that's pretty much identical to the express lane ones. They're small, and are perfect for selling you a poinsettia or a hoe or something. But a whole cart full of groceries? Get the fuck out of here. You might think you're saving time by going back to the garden center where there's usually no lines, but since we don't have a belt at our registers, you have to sit there and put small amounts of junk up on the counter while I attempt to dig through it and bag it in a somewhat decent fashion. At this point though, I don't really care if you don't want your forty packages of ramen noodles bagged with dog food and soap. You shouldn't have brought all that shit back there in the first place. You might think you're smart for coming back to where there's no lines, but it's going to take just as long, if not longer, to bag your shit and get you out of the store. Garden Center cashiers don't do a very good job at scanning and bagging, either. We get trained on registers somewhere between two hours and three days. So not only will it take longer due to lack of space (and sense on your part), but it'll take longer because we're not trained to deal with your twenty six frozen salisbury steak tv dinners. I might bag your stuff horribly out of spite, just because I hate you for bringing all that shit back there.

So for your convenience, sit in line and wait like a normal person.

The maroon-ish parts come courtesy of a pen I received from a coworker that apparently enjoys my wild and crazy antics.

I work at Wal*Mart

2007-12-21T14:29:00.000-08:00

Wal-Mart Stores, Inc. (NYSE: WMT) is an American public corporation that runs a chain of large, discount department stores. It is the world's largest public corporation by revenue, according to the 2007 Fortune Global 500.[3] It was founded by Sam Walton in 1962, incorporated on October 31, 1969, and listed on the New York Stock Exchange in 1972. It is the largest private employer in the world and the fourth largest utility or commercial employer, trailing the People's Liberation Army of China, the National Health Service of the United Kingdom, and the Indian Railways. Wal-Mart is the largest grocery retailer in the United States, with an estimated 20% of the retail grocery and consumables business, as well as the largest toy seller in the U.S., with an estimated 22% share of the toy market.

Wal-Mart operates in Mexico as Walmex, in the United Kingdom as ASDA, and in Japan as Seiyu. It has wholly-owned operations in Argentina, Brazil, Canada, Puerto Rico, and the UK. Wal-Mart's investments outside North America have produced mixed results. The company's operations in South America and China are highly successful, but it sold its retail operations in South Korea and Germany in 2006 due to sustained losses in highly competitive markets.

Wal-Mart has been criticized by some community groups, women's rights groups, grassroots organizations, and labor unions. Specific criticisms include the company's extensive foreign product sourcing, low rates of employee health insurance enrollment, resistance to union representation, and alleged sexism.

- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wal*Mart